Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
