id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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