dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
