we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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