dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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