she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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