wrigley field is MILF paradise
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So much rum. So many feels.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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