apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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