If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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