so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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