I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
