The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
