How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
