only if we run a train.
done.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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