I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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