You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
