awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
