In America we eat man semen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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