Even the bartender felt bad for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize