you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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