don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
