I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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