What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
