I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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