call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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