I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
