i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
