Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
