Soap is not a condiment
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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