During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
