I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
