If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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