i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
