I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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