Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
