sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
