ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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