He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
