There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
