I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
