Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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