Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
