me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
