I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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