we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
