I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
