at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hippo gnu deer
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize