I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
