So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
