Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
