I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
