Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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