And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
