help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
