Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
