Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I am morally bankrupt
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
