she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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