I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
