you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
