this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
