I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize