He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
