11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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