Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
