I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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