My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
