I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
